


Saurfang Teaches You to Balance Your Checkbook

by swampgallows



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Gen, Modern AU, Paternal Figure, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-24 15:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15633711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swampgallows/pseuds/swampgallows
Summary: Spawned from a joke post by sarcoptid on tumblr.





	Saurfang Teaches You to Balance Your Checkbook

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Saurfang Teaches You to Balance Your Checkbook](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/405429) by sarcoptid. 



"Now, from my understanding," the old orc said, shifting his great weight in the metal chair, "Most of this is done on-the-line."

"Yes, online," you gently corrected him.

"On-line. Hmm!" He set the papers on the table before you.

 

Truly a "pocket" book in the massive gnarled hands of High Overlord Varok Saurfang, the moleskine checkbook he set down before you had given you a fair share of trouble. You knew the little things added up—"many grains of sand make up the dreaded Silithus", he reminded you—but your funds were more sparse than usual this month. You were making the same amount as always and didn't seem to be spending more, but the flash of red on your app said otherwise. You could feel where the minus sign had burned into your eyeballs as you had stared at it in disbelief.

So you ran to the wisest and least-judgmental person you knew. Someone who understands that sometimes people make mistakes.

 

"Having them on-the-line might produce all of your transactions in a list, but only your own eyes can reconcile the account." He tapped the checkbook with one heavy finger. "And that's why I prefer it the old-fashioned way."

"Well, there are apps for that now, High Overlord," you suggested. "Nobody carries around a checkbook anymore."

He rumbled a laugh. "That may be, but you haven't been using either of them, have you?"

 

You sheepishly turned away.

 

"There are many different ways you make transactions. And I am not so out-of-touch that I'll go on talking about hard currency being the only dependable one. For many orcs, our blood was our worth; what we spilled, what we had left, and, of course, our lineage. But there is equivalent exchange in material things, too. Furs for food, food for land."

 

His eyes went glassy for a moment as they delved into the backwoods of his memories.

You watched him reminisce with a patient smile.

 

"But my point is," he said, returning to the present day, "You aren't only spending gold pieces or writing checks. You have the magnetic cards to simulate currency but they deplete your actual funds!"

"A credit card?"

"Hmmph, 'credit'... for a name like 'credit', you would think it more honorable!" He placed a hand on your shoulder. "I can vouch for _you_ , pup, but the people who have beguiled your honorable nature by giving you this card see you only as the numbers in your register. To charge you 'interest' is to capitalize on your good faith."

"But Saurfang, most places won't even offer me a place to live if I don't have good credit. I need to build credit with a card as proof that I can reliably pay rent!"

"So, we return to the subject at hand. To what can we credit your reliability when your balance is negative?" The whiplash stung, but the old orc was always stern with good reason. "You must be able to rely on your own statement. And that is why you reconcile."

"What's 'reconcile'?"

"You compare your own statement to the one produced on-the-line."

"But... the online statement _is_ my own statement. I get it at the end of the month from my bank."

He tapped the checkbook again. "This is where the checkbook comes in."

 

You tried not to groan.

 

"You can record it however you like, but it is important that you record it on your own so that you are aware of what you're spending. And that's for every transaction, money in or money out. That includes all of your card purchases and the ones you make on the Internet."

"You use the Internet, Saurfang?"

"Hell yes I use the Internet, pup. Now, look here."

 

He flipped open the checkbook to some pages at the beginning with blank lines across them and a few columns. The lines alternated between white and gray.

"This is your register. It has areas to write down the date, a description of the transaction, and whether it's a deposit or withdrawal, as well as the amount. There is also a space for the check number, but you can use it to number your transactions and make it easier to review later." His green finger looked positively fluorescent as it traveled down the drab, monochrome lines.

"Saurfang, why do I have to write this down if my bank already does it for me? The second I buy something it's recorded in my statement online."

"Is that so? You've never had a pending transaction ever?"

"Well..."

"And what about your recurring payments or direct deposits? Subscriptions? Say, fifteen dollars or so a month?"

"All right, all right..." Yikes, how does he know about that? So embarrassing...

 

"Your bank and transactions won't always charge or collect in order, you know. If you have three hundred dollars in your account and make a purchase for five dollars, then deposit one thousand dollars, and then make a purchase of five hundred dollars, your bank could take the five, then the five hundred—putting you in the negative—and _then_ collect the deposit. But by then you've already been charged an overdraft fee."

 

You smothered your head in your hands. By the Light, or Earthmother or... Elune or whatever. How many times has that happened?

 

"If you keep track on your own, you can subtract the recurring payments at the start of the month and then be aware of the money you actually have." He reached for the stack of papers that were a print-out of last month's statement.

 

You peeked through your fingers, face still hidden in your hands in mortification, as he reviewed your purchases.

 

"Patron... Patrön... Patreen... this thing, it charges you the first of the month and is a recurring payment, yes? But here, halfway through the month, you have the Blizzard Ent—you're paying off a frost spirit?"

"It's... short for 'entertainment', Saurfang."

"I know the Frostwolf clan used to pay off Lokholar with Stormpike blood and night elf ears. Though that was an ice lord, an elemental." He smiled toothily at his own joke, crow's feet creasing.

"Oh gosh, I don't think they even collect ears any more!"

"Perhaps not, but the battle at Alterac rages on," he said wistfully. "Now, see here. You take the recurring purchases and subtract them from your total at the start of the month. That way you aren't bouncing checks or barely keeping your head above water. Part of building credit is by having savings and planning for the future, and that means being able to pay your dues before they come and collect. Understand?"

"You're making it sound really violent."

"It _is_ violent. If you cannot afford to pay your debts, those goblins at the bank will take your home and leave you to starve."

"Saurfang! The bank is operated by other humans!"

"And are the Defias not humans? They built Stormwind brick by brick and were ready to tear it down in the same manner when their debts went unpaid. Do not underestimate what money means to these mongrels. It _is_ violence!" 

 

Varok, upon realizing he was now standing and looming over you, took a deep breath and resumed sitting. He placed his palm flat on the table from where he had slammed it with his fist. 

The majority of you is unfazed, but there is still an inkling of awe mixed with fear lingering in the back of your mind. You dismissed it, then slouched back in your chair and sighed.

 

"Okay... so, if I write all this stuff down every time I do _anything_ in my account, then I have to do _what_ now? 'Reconsider'?"

"Reconcile," he offers. It is his turn to gently correct you. "It means that when you get your statement at the end of the month, you compare it to your own records and to make sure you end up at the same total. The Internet statement might not always match your own records, especially with pending payments. And if you have multiple accounts, like this 'pay pal' that draws from your bank account, having one record will help you keep track of all of your funds across multiple statements."

 

You dragged your hands down your face. "How much money do you think I have?"

 

"How much money do _you_ think you have? You won't know unless you keep your own records. Write down your transactions as you make them and then reconcile your account against your statements."

"This sounds like a lot of work."

"It is, but I am here to help you with it. Even the Warchief has a book keeper."

"What, really?" You sat up, intrigued.

"Of course. You're looking at him."

You laughed, bright and surprised. "No way!"

"Indeed. Four warchiefs and counting." Saurfang ruffled your hair with a giant hand. "Lots and lots of counting."


End file.
